The party going down into the Craft Dungeon was very small - just two first-level characters. That could be underpowered, but we're playing with Unearthed Arcana and the duo were the mighty Gunnhilde (a Barbarian with percentile strength) and the mightier Shi-Halk (a Half-Ogress Fighter). Gunnhilde had befriended Shi-Halk after returning the effects of the Half-Ogress's fallen brother. The two decided to scout out the ruins of the fallen tower close to Shi-Halk's family home - it was rumoured to be full of treasure and magic things to SMASH. This was literally a "kick in the door" session, with two very strong characters able to get doors open quickly and spring on potentially surprised enemies.
After a little bit of manual labour shifting debris, Gunnhilde led the way down the stairs. The sight of a statue with a glowing torch at the landing meant one thing to the barbarian -magic! She sprang to attack and was completely unsurprised when the statue fought back. Shi-Halk weighed in and between the two of them the warrior women smashed down the animated statue. (This was pretty funny: both players initially assumed that Gunnhilde was just being crazy but the statue really is a magical sentry programmed to attack those who approach too close. It wouldn't be the last time that the barbarian's feral instincts averted a possible surprise.) After giving the glowing torch a hard look, Gunnhilde decided it wasn't that magical and took it as an upgrade on the smoky wooden version.
The party took the unusual step of opening both doors out of the chamber at once, but they found no monsters ready to spring on them. Although the right-hand door was locked (and bore a sign that Shi-Halk read out as "Authorized Personnel Only!"), it was no match for a barbarian's strength and the duo took the lock and warning as an indication that this was the more profitable path. They proceeded down the corridor beyond and kicked in the first door they came to, springing on a quartet of armoured skeletons. The undead actually put up a decent fight, pinking both warriors before being put down. At this point Shi-Halk and Gunnhilde decided not to push their luck and withdrew to rest and heal up.
After two days of wolf liver stew and willow bark tea, Shi-Halk decided that the dungeon was probably less risky than continuing to endure Gunnhilde's rustic curatives. The two resumed their push down the corridor, starting off with a BANG by throwing open the next door and pouncing on a hapless zombie that had worn down its arm by scrubbing a bathroom floor. The undead didn't stand a chance and was in pieces before it had time to rise to its feet. A tentative investigation of the chamber pots indicated no carefully-hidden loot and the party carried on to third door on the left. In what seemed to be a barracks, they found locked chests and, after applying a crowbar, treasure! They pocketed three hundred coins of gold and silver, and Shi-Halk took A. Smithson's Murder in Venezia - presumably as a campside alternative to listening to Gunnhilde's stories about killing people.
The two kicked in the northern door, once again riding their luck on the wandering monster table, and attacked a zombie officer at his deck. Although this foe was made of stern stuff, he was quickly overwhelmed and looting set in. Shi-Halk stashed the undead's chainmail and insignia in her backpack, while Gunnhilde rifled through the dresser to find a large pearl. A quick check for secret doors was fruitless so the party returned to the barracks.
The eastern door got the same treatment and the two rushed into a training room, quickly overcoming two of the three humanoids within before discovering that they were attacking training dummies. That these devices were enchanted to speak motivated Gunnhilde to finish smashing them while Shi-Halk investigated the aged training weapons. Finding little of value (other than the satisfaction of smashing magic things) they once again took the north door first. The chamber beyond held a substantial swimming pool, which was approached with surprising caution.
Perhaps Gunnhilde's instincts were kicking in again, as the waters swirled and from them arose a water genie. He casually asked if the two wanted to swim and, if so, what temperature they'd prefer. Shi-Halk politely declined, but Gunnhilde - perhaps influenced by the elemental's physique - accepted his offer and requested "cool water on a summer's day". The barbarian took a few laps while Shi-Halk chatted with the genie, learning that he had made a pact with the magic-user who had previously owned this tower to care for the water supply. An offer to help liberate the genie was politely declined, as he thought his current situation acceptable, but the spirit did ask (somewhat casually) if the two warriors could help track down his granddaughter. Unfortunately, he was largely disinterested in the complex other than its water supply and had little information. But hey, a bath's a bath!
Armoured and ready for battle once more, the two bade the genie farewell and battered down the door out of the pool room. The walked into a cleaned-up dining room, with chairs carefully stacked on tables. A falling chair startled them, but (surprisingly) didn't provoke immediate SMASHING. Instead the warriors walked through a broad corridor north to what seemed to be a theatre, and, reckoning from their map that they were close to where they'd entered, left by the western exit without molesting the theatre's chairs or curtains.
Beyond the theatre was a disused sculpting area, with only stone dust, and an alcove with a statue of a maid. A cautious investigation of the alcove showed a strange lever, dial and gauge. Shi-Halk decided not to meddle with it and Gunnhilde didn't feel like smashing, so the two checked the doorways out of the sculpting area. They found the stairway up and a coatroom. Having relieved the coatroom of a trio of umbrellas, Gunnhilde and Shi-Halk stalked east once more in search of mayhem.
Back in the theatre, they decided to first check a doorway to what seemed to be a side-area. Within was a kitchen and bar area with no obvious dangers, although the two decided to swiftly rescue the bottles of liquor from whatever perils might lurk unseen. Shi-Halk then poked around with a (probably magical) stove and managed to convince Gunnhilde not to smash it, then opened up a magical refrigerator, unleashing a pile of mould and the body of a dead dwarf. Despite the players misgivings, Gunnhilde leapt to attack the body and struck it a mighty blow before it started moving (Barbarian Instincts again!) and with the initiative in hand the zombie was dispatched without injury to the party.
Next, the theatre's stage and curtains were braved. The drapery animated and struck buffeted Shi-Halk (the first damage done to either warrior on this second delve) but was quickly torn to shreds. The stage held little of interest except another set of curtains, which Gunnhilde defeated single-handedly. Never mind that they were not animated and not dangerous! In the backstage area a few curiosities were discovered, plus a wooden frame with a body outline and embedded knives that the character ignored. They were much more interested in the locked trunk, which was crowbarred open and searched. Gunnhilde and Shi-Halk were utterly unsurprised when a the skeleton of a human-headed snake arose, and the undead monstrosity was pulverized before it had the chance to unleash any necromantic nastiness. Although most of the clothes in the trunk were in disrepair, Gunnhilde did recover a silk garment of dubious morality and stashed it for later. A quick investigation of a pair of large wooden cabinets convinced the party that they could probably haul the things out of the dungeon to sell later, and then they resumed their march east.
A pair of double doors took a bit of persuading (once again, the wandering monster table was kind) but opened to reveal a dressing area. The mirrors within were assessed for possible sale, the curtains were destroyed, and Gunnhilde saw a pair of leather gloves as a potential magic item. With the hairs raising on the back of her neck, she tore the gloves to pieces, making the world safe from a pair of Gauntlets of Fencing. The barbarian then paused and withdrew the silk garment from earlier, and tore it up for good measure - goodbye, Garb of the Charlatan! With plenty left in the tank, the duo kicked in the door to a side-stage area and Gunnhilde smashed up what she saw as a magical sword.
At this stage, it was getting a bit late for us and my back of the envelope math said that the characters were around the 3rd level XP boundary, so we called it a night. While the players rolled for hit points and checked the abilities of Barbarian level 2, I tallied up their XP more properly. Shi-Halk had hit the boundary for Fighter 2, so any success next time will give her another level. Gunnhilde's rampant destruction of valuable magic items saw her soar up to a few hundred XP from Barbarian 3, so surprisingly she should also level next session.
This was a highly entertaining session, and although the tactics on display weren't all that subtle they were effective in a relaxed scenario like The Craft Dungeon. I broke down and told the players what the destroyed items actually did, which caused Shi-Halk's player some anguish (he has an Illusionist in the main group who could have benefited from the Garb of the Charlatan) and Gunnhilde's player was slightly disappointed that her Paladin won't have a shot at the Gauntlets of Fencing.
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